God Is Always With Us

I feel like loneliness is a journey. For me, loneliness was a journey into its own.

There were years where I felt completely alone. I mean years. There were times where not a single person even called my phone. Not a single person. Besides telemarketers, which I think sometimes I used to pick up. That was how lonely it could get. You go to work. You come home. Nobody calls you. Nobody really checks on you. And after a while, you almost get numb to it.

What Did Loneliness Teach Me About My Relationship With God?

For me, loneliness was a journey into its own. There were years where I felt completely alone. I mean years. There were times where not a single person even called my phone. Not a single person. That was how lonely it could get.

Looking back, I know one of the reasons I stayed around certain people for so long was because I was afraid of being lonely.

During that season, I started listening to people who were teaching about God and the Bible. I started reading the Bible every day. I started learning what prayer was, what intercession was, and what spiritual warfare was. It wasn’t like I opened the Bible one day and suddenly understood everything. No. It took time. A lot of time.

My life eventually changed. I met my wife. Later, God blessed us with our child. But God was not only there after my life changed. He was there when my phone was not ringing. He was there when I was lonely. He was there while I was learning.

God was always there.

Key Takeaways

• Loneliness gave me time to seek God.
• Elijah’s story made me think about loneliness differently.
• Going through something difficult does not mean God is not there.
• Looking back now, I can see that during that time I also started learning about God in a way I probably would not have if my life had been full of people and distractions.
• My relationship with God became different. My understanding of prayer became different. My understanding of Scripture became different.

I Used to Want So Badly to Have Friends

For a long time, I wanted to be liked. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to be able to make friends easily. It always amazed me how other people seemed to make friends so easily. They would meet somebody and suddenly they were friends.

For me, it never felt that easy. And seeing that over and over started affecting my self-esteem. For years, until I met my wife, I really didn’t have a single friend. That was difficult. The nights could be difficult. Holidays could be difficult. There were times when loneliness felt like my normal life.

Fear of Loneliness Kept Me Around People I Should Have Left

Looking back, I know one of the reasons I stayed around certain people for so long was because I was afraid of being lonely. These were people I thought were my friends. Later, I understood that some of them were really only using me for what I provided at the time.

But I stayed. And when I eventually separated myself from them, I did go into that loneliness journey. That journey itself taught me a lot. At the time, though, I did not see it that way. I was just lonely.

I Never Understood Why I Was So Afraid

For a long time, I didn’t understand why I was so fearful. I acted like I wasn’t. But deep down, I was a very scared person. I was paranoid a lot. Fearful about different things. Worried about people. Worried about what people thought. Worried about being alone.

And when you are going through that, sometimes you don’t really understand yourself. You just know how you feel. It took me years to start understanding some of those things.

I Started Listening to Different Teachers

During that season, I started listening to people who were teaching about God and the Bible. Dr. Myles Munroe was one of the teachers who had a big impact on me. I also listened to Derek Prince, Joyce Meyer, T.D. Jakes, and many others.

I would listen and listen. And slowly, I started learning things I had never really understood before. That was when I started opening the Bible differently.

I Started Learning What Prayer Actually Was

Before that season, there were so many things about Christianity I really did not understand. I started learning:

• What is intercession?
• What is prayer?
• What is spiritual warfare?

These were things I had heard words about, maybe, but I didn’t really understand them. I started reading the Bible every day. And even when I was reading it every day, it still took time for me to process it. It wasn’t like I opened the Bible one day and suddenly understood everything. No. It took time. A lot of time.

Loneliness Gave Me Time to Seek God

Looking back, I had a lot of time by myself. At the time, that felt painful. Now I can see that during that time I also started learning about God in a way I probably would not have if my life had been full of people and distractions.

I started listening. Reading. Learning. Praying. Trying to understand Scripture. Trying to understand what God was saying. And I started realizing that God was always there.

Elijah’s Story Made Me Think About Loneliness Differently

I remember thinking about Elijah. That story always amazed me. How can somebody who was so blessed and so powerful still go through loneliness?

That really made me think. Because sometimes when you feel lonely, you think loneliness means something is wrong. Why don’t I have people around me? Why am I going through this? Why does everybody else seem to have people?

But then you open the Bible and see people who had incredible relationships with God still going through difficult and lonely seasons. That helped me.

The Bible Started Becoming More Personal to Me

The more I read, the more I started seeing connections between things happening in the Bible and things that happen in our lives. David went through betrayal. Elijah went through his own struggles. People who were blessed by God still went through difficult situations.

And that started helping me understand that going through something difficult does not mean God is not there. For me, that became very important. Because God was there during my loneliness. Even when I did not understand what He was doing.

I Learned About Intercession During That Time

Intercession was something I really did not understand before. Prayer itself was something I started understanding differently. I had to learn. I had to listen. I had to read. I had to keep going back to the Bible.

And the more I learned, the more I wanted to learn. That season opened something in me spiritually. I started becoming interested in things that I probably would not have been thinking about before:

• Prayer
• Intercession
• Spiritual warfare
• What Scripture actually says
• How to pray
• How to seek God

Spiritual Warfare Was Something I Had to Learn About Too

Spiritual warfare was another thing I started learning about during that journey. I had never really understood it. But as I listened to different teachers and continued reading Scripture, I started paying more attention to the spiritual side of life.

I started looking at my own fear differently. My thoughts differently. The things I was carrying differently. My anger. My grudges. My anxiety. The things from my past that I kept replaying. I started bringing more of those things to God.

It Took a Long Time

I think that is important. It took time. Years.

Sometimes when somebody tells their testimony, it can sound like: “I was going through this. Then I found God. Then everything changed.” That was not really how it happened for me. It was a journey. I was learning. Struggling. Reading. Listening. Understanding something, then later understanding something else.

There were things I read in the Bible that took me a long time to actually process. There were things I heard from teachers that I had to go back and think about. It happened over time.

Looking Back, Loneliness Looks Different to Me Now

I would never tell somebody that loneliness is easy. It is not.

I know what it feels like to have nobody call. I know what it feels like when holidays come. I know what it feels like when you see other people with friends and wonder why that seems so easy for them. I know what it feels like to want validation through friendship. I know what it feels like to be afraid that if you leave the wrong people, you will have nobody. I went through that.

But looking back now, I also know that during that loneliness journey, I started learning things about God that became foundational for me.

Things That Used to Feel So Important Don’t Feel the Same Anymore

It is so funny how you can look back at the things that made you scared, or things you thought were so significant, and they almost look silly later. At one time, being liked felt so important. Having friends felt so important. What people thought felt so important. What somebody said about me felt so important.

And now I look back and realize the only One who mattered and always mattered was God. God was there.

My Life Eventually Changed

For years, I could not imagine what my life was going to look like. Then I met my wife. And that changed everything for me. I was so grateful to finally have somebody to share life with. Later, God blessed us with our child. Now I look at my wife and my child and sometimes I cannot imagine my life without them.

But there was a time when I had none of that. I didn’t know they were coming. I didn’t know what God had planned. I was just living the season I was in. That is why I believe everything happens in its own time.

God Was With Me Before My Circumstances Changed

That may be one of the biggest things I understand now. God was not only there after my life changed.

He was there when my phone was not ringing. He was there when I was lonely. He was there while I was learning. He was there while I was opening the Bible and trying to understand what I was reading. He was there when I started learning what prayer was, what intercession was, and what spiritual warfare was.

God was always there.

And that is why, when I look back at loneliness now, I see it differently. I still remember how difficult it was. But I also see what came out of that time. My relationship with God became different. My understanding of prayer became different. My understanding of Scripture became different. And I started understanding that even when you feel completely alone, God is always with us.