Protecting Your Marriage from Outside Influences: I Started Paying Attention

I started paying more attention to what we were consuming, especially social media. I had set a time limit on our phones so social media would lock during certain times. Part of the reason was because when my wife would come home, sometimes she would be on social media, and her thing would be, “I’m just watching funny stuff.”

This is really about protecting your marriage from outside influences — the ones you don’t even notice shaping how you think.

And yes, there is funny stuff. But I also know in between the funny stuff, there are people saying just dumb stuff and acting like they know what marriage is.

Protecting Your marriage from outside Influences?

I’ve learned that being intentional about what we consume matters — especially social media, where people who aren’t even married act like they know what marriage should look like. I started paying attention not just to what our children were consuming, but what we were consuming too, because I didn’t want outside voices constantly shaping how we think about marriage instead of our faith.

A few things that changed for us:

• Pay attention to what’s shaping your thinking, without spying — just being involved and participating
• Get connected to Christian community together, not just individually
• Take responsibility for your role in the marriage, since your children model what they see
• Don’t improve alone — if something helps you, bring your spouse into it too

Setting Boundaries around what influences Your marriage

A lot of people online act like they know exactly what marriage should look like. Some of them are not married, some are divorced, and some maybe just got married.

But I know anyone who has been married for over a decade understands there is no perfect marriage where there is no miscommunication or anything like that. There isn’t. That is real life.

So I started becoming more careful about the type of advice we were consuming, especially if it is not coming from a Christian perspective.

I Didn’t Want Social Media Teaching Us More Than Our Faith

I started thinking about that more seriously because while I am trying to take care of the house and our family and make sure our family is okay, I don’t want outside voices constantly shaping how we think about marriage.

For me, as a Christian, I started feeling like we need to pay attention not only to what our children are consuming, but what we are consuming too. What are we watching? What are we saving? What are we liking? How have our interests shifted? What are we hearing over and over? Those things matter.

I Don’t Mean Spying

I don’t mean spying on your spouse. That is not what I am saying.

I mean paying attention, being involved, participating, and trying to understand what is shaping the way we think.

Because I think as Christians we should participate with our wives in learning about marriage from a Christian point of view, not just leave it to random social media.

I Wanted My Wife More Connected to Christian Community. Learning to Protect Your Relationship Together

For the first time, I signed my wife up for a Christian women’s conference at our church. I was praying it would be a value add to her life—peace, love, community.

I wanted her to participate more in the church community, and I wanted the same for our child and for myself because I started realizing how important that environment is.

Church Started Becoming More Important to Us. Finding Emotional Safety and Healthy Support Through Church

We also started really going to church, at least every Sunday.

For me, church started helping me think differently about marriage. Our pastor was teaching about structure—structure in our communion with God, structure in our life, structure in our marriage, and how that structure impacts our children and our future.

That really stayed with me.

I Started Thinking More About My Responsibility as a Husband

I started thinking more seriously about my responsibility in the marriage—how I communicate, how my wife feels, how I respond when she is upset, what I bring into the house, and what I allow to influence us.

All of that started becoming connected for me because marriage affects the children. The children see what we do.

Our child especially sees me in a lot of ways. He models almost everything I do, and that scares me.

I Wanted Us to Be on the Same Page With Health Too

Another thing that became important to me was my wife’s health.

My wife is a really hard worker. She has a corporate job. She is in fairly good shape, but she is not really the type that works out consistently.

And I started thinking, I don’t want to be the only person working out and trying to get in shape while we are not on the same page.

I want us both healthy. God willing, I want us to be there for our grandkids, healthy, still able to run around with them and still able to enjoy life.

That matters to me.

Sometimes I Had to Get Up With Her

There was a morning where I got up at the same time she woke up. I encouraged her to go outside and walk, come back, take a cold shower, do some breathing exercise, meditate, and listen to Christian music.

And I could see how much it uplifted her spirit right before she jumped into stressful work.

That had an impact on our family too because when she feels better, it affects the whole house.

I Don’t Want to Improve Alone

That is another thing I started thinking about.

If I find something that is helping me, I don’t want to be the only one benefiting from it. If working out is helping me, I want my wife to benefit too. If church is helping me, I want us going together. If learning something about marriage helps me, I want us both learning.

I want us to be on the same page. Not perfect, just moving in the same direction.

Environment Really Matters

Before I started working out, my energy was really low. Even when I was resting and not doing anything, I felt lethargic.

Then I started moving my body.

I joined a class at my gym where you are kind of forced to keep pace with other people, and even though I am spending energy during the workout, at the end I somehow have more energy.

That amazes me.

I am more focused. Spiritually, I enjoy my prayer more when I do that. I am calmer.

And that made me think even more about how much environment and habits affect us.

I Want Our Family Around Things That Help Us

Christian community, church, prayer, exercise, healthy habits, time together, and people who actually want to see your marriage succeed—those things started becoming more important to me.

Because there are already enough things pulling everybody in different directions: work, phones, social media, stress, schedules, life.

So if we are not intentional, the days just go.

I Am Still Learning All of This

I am not saying I have marriage figured out. I don’t.

We still have disagreements. We still miscommunicate. We are human.

But I have become much more aware of what we are allowing around our marriage and around our family.

I want my wife connected to Christian community, I want my child connected, and I want myself connected. I want us taking care of our health, praying, and learning.

And I want to be careful about letting random people who don’t know us, don’t know our marriage, and may not even share our values have too much influence over how we think.

That is something I take much more seriously now.

I want to learn alongside my wife, not just for myself, and I want that same intentionality extended to our family members, not just the two of us.

Some days it’s easier to remember why boundaries matter than others — especially when work gets heavy or the kids need something and love feels like it takes a back seat. But after years of marriage, I’ve learned that even something as small as a date night or one honest conversation can restore emotional safety faster than I expect. It reminds me that healthy support, whether from church or from setting boundaries around what we let in, is what actually protects a marriage day to day.

Romans 12:2, “do not be conformed to this world… be transformed by the renewal of your mind