Thank You, Lord, for restoring my finances and bringing me to overflow and paying off all my debts.
For a long time I struggled with discipline. Actually, pretty much all my life. Not committing. Starting something and not finishing.
And I think financially I have always lived for the day, aka the flesh. If I wanted something and I had the means to get it, I didn’t really put it off. And eventually that mismanagement caught up with me.
Financial uncertainty can bring fear into your everyday life. For me, trusting God also means facing my financial circumstances honestly and changing how I use the resources I have.
It Didn’t Happen From One Big Purchase
That is the crazy part. It wasn’t one big purchase. It wasn’t like I went out and bought something crazy.
It just happened little by little. Groceries. Bills. Eating out. Rent. Inflation. Things here and there.
Then one card. Then another card. Then another one.
And before I knew it, I was looking at almost $50,000 in debt.
Where Did This Money Even Go?
That was probably the part that shocked me. Where did the money go? Nowhere special.
I wish I had bought my wife one of those fancy shoes or something. But we don’t buy those things. Ever.
I didn’t buy myself anything crazy either. It was literally groceries. Eating out. Bills. Rent. Life. That was it.
And then when you start looking at the transactions, it is:
- $2.97
- $4.96
- Something here
- Something there
And all of it adds up.
The Credit Cards Were Supposed to Be a Cushion
The funny thing is, I had worked on our credit. I got our credit over 700. Then I got credit cards because I thought they were a financial cushion. If something happens, okay, at least we have credit.
Then I would use one. Then I would think: Oh my God, I need to stop using this card.
Then: Okay, maybe I can use a little from this one. I’ll pay it off.
Then another expense comes. Then another. And nine or ten months are gone. Just like that.
I Tried to Pay It Without Worrying My Wife
When I realized how much debt there was, I tried to pay it without worrying my wife. I didn’t want her stressing about it.
But somehow she got a notification from her credit report. Her credit had taken a hit too. Mine had taken a hit. And now she knew.
Then whenever she had downtime from work and sat at home, that is what she would think about. The debt. And it would open old wounds and things would spiral.
That part bothered me because I knew my decisions affected her too.
But Here Is the Thing
Here is the thing though. I know this debt will be paid. I know it. And for some reason, this debt became one of those situations that forced me to change.
I have had other addictions from my teenage years. Things I did for years. And when I stopped, I stopped. People can do some of those things in front of me now and I don’t even care. I don’t crave them. Sometimes I even look back and think: How was I ever doing that?
But this financial wastefulness was different because it crept up on me. Little by little.
Faith doesn’t mean I ignore the situation. I can trust Him and still look at the balances. I can bring my fear to Jesus in prayer and still make the debt payments.
I Started Doing Something I Never Did in My Life
Now I write down what I spend. Down to the penny. In my blue book.
I never did that in my life. Never.
I used to hate looking at money like that because it stressed me out. Now I want to know. Where did it go? What did I spend? What could I have avoided? I write it down.
We Basically Stopped Eating Out
Another thing we did was stop eating out. Almost completely. When I say almost completely, I mean like 99.999%.
We used to eat out. Not even necessarily anything fancy. Just eating out. And that adds up.
You eat lunch out. Dinner. Something quick. Another meal. Another meal. Then at the end of the month you are like: What happened?
Then Groceries Became the New Restaurant
And then I started looking at groceries. My goodness. Grocery has become the new restaurant.
You walk in thinking: I just came to get some eggs. Then somehow you are standing at checkout thinking: How am I paying $87?
That is real. So now I even intentionally drive farther to another grocery store sometimes because I am trying to be more intentional. That is something I would never have done before.
I Wish I Had Learned This Earlier
Of course I wish this lesson did not come with owing that much money. Who wouldn’t? I wish I learned it earlier.
But this was one of those moments where I knew: This is the moment that I will forever change.
Because I don’t want to do this again. I don’t want my wife stressing about debt. I don’t want to look back and wonder where all the money went. Something had to change.
Discipline Means Something Different to Me Now
I understand discipline differently now. I actually crave it.
I respect people who have the discipline to take care of their body. Take care of their finances. Take care of their marriage. Take care of their house. Be an asset to their community.
I didn’t understand that before the way I do now. Because all those little decisions matter. That $5 matters. That eating out matters. That grocery trip matters. Writing things down matters. It all adds up.
And Somehow This Even Led Me to This Blog
Another thing that amazes me is this blog. I never thought I would write a blog. Let alone write about my dirty laundry. Never in a million years.
But here we are. I am literally writing about my debt.
And maybe somebody else is sitting there in debt thinking: How did I get here? Maybe they are ashamed. Maybe they are scared. Maybe they think everybody else has it together.
I didn’t.
You Can Only Do It One at a Time
You can only do it one at a time. That is something I remind myself.
One payment. One decision. One day.
You are much more significant than a debt. The debt is there. Deal with it. But you are still a human being. You still have a family. You still have something to be grateful for.
Financial trouble can take up so much space in your mind. But you can give yourself room to breathe while taking responsibility. Give yourself time to build different habits, too.
Give Thanks to God Along the Way
Despite what comes into your mind, find something you are grateful for.
Pray. Thank God for restoration. Listen to what God is saying.
Maybe He puts something in your heart. Maybe a business. Maybe a blog. Something that gives you hope. Something that propels you forward.
For me, this blog is one of those things. I never thought I would be writing about this. But maybe my dirty laundry helps somebody else.
If trusting God is still hard, you can be honest about that in prayer. You can open your Bible and bring your questions to Jesus. You don’t have to pretend you feel calm before you turn to God.
The Bible is a place to seek wisdom, not a reason to avoid the numbers. Let God’s Word shape the next decision. Give attention to the resources you have. Give yourself an honest look at what needs to change.
I Know This Will Be Paid
I know this debt will be paid. And I thank God for restoring my finances. I thank Him for bringing me to overflow. I thank Him for paying off all my debts.
But I also know I had to change. I had to pay attention. I had to write things down. I had to stop eating out. I had to look at groceries. I had to look at all those small purchases. I had to become disciplined.
Financial setbacks don’t have to be the end of your story. Keep turning to God. Keep bringing your worries to Jesus. Keep returning to the Bible and putting what you learn from His Word into practice.
And I am still learning. But I know this changed me.
This was one of those moments where I knew: I don’t want to live the same way anymore.
I want to take care of my finances. I want to take care of my family. I want to be responsible.